Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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