I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
