Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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