Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
