is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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