I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
