just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
