that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize