I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
