I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
