I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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