If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
