Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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