girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
