while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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