He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
