i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
