Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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