i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
