So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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