Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
