This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
