If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
