i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
