separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
