So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You had me at "let me see your balls"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
