Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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