lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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