is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
