So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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