Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
