he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
