If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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