I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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