Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize