dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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