yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
