Umm I'm too high to move.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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