That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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