alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
