I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
