I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize