last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
