the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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