i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize