your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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