One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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