this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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