It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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