I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
