Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
