please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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