my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Is Oprah even human
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
