listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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