I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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