I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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