They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I wish there were birth control emojis
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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