I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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