we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
